It Get’s Real Out Here: Let’s Talk About Those Hard Truths. It’s Time We Took A Moment to Self-Reflect.

To go alongside last week’s blog, I was supposed to be writing another take on identity today. Over the weekend, I was contemplating on what to talk to you about, and what 'practical steps' I was going to provide you with for your weekly dose of 'Monday Motivation.' Then today came and still nothing was written. Until this morning's series of events.

So we’re taking a different direction this week, and we’re going to talk about Self-Reflection.

This morning was an eye-opener for me — in a very emotional, but good way. I think it’s important that we take moments to pause, breathe, and reflect. It’s also important to have people in your corner that will encourage you to do so, because if I’m being quite honest, I was not feeling it initially.

As I said, this morning was an emotional one for me. For the last few weeks, I’ve just been moving – both physically and mentally. All gas, no brakes! Burning myself out on a daily basis, because I had to be 'doing something' in order to feel satisfied and accomplished. I’ve also been frustrated and overwhelmed, because I’m putting the work in, but it doesn’t always feel like it’s connecting in the ways I intended. I’ve been trying to resonate with my current audience while strategizing how I can reach and connect with new people. It’s been an overload of maintaining relevance, creating brand awareness, being consistent on social media platforms, while still building on the back end. Have you ever had to create and set up automations and integrations on a website? No!? No worries, pay someone else to do it! Cause when I tell you the headache is something serious … believe me — lol.

These things can get overwhelming, but I will say God has blessed me with the vision, the talent, the understanding, and the opportunity to share the importance of our image and our identity.

In my reflection today, I realized that I have everything that I need. God has equipped me with the resources and the people to help push His vision forward – some of whom I have yet to meet. He’s going to continue to provide me with the strength and wisdom to understand when it’s 'go time' vs. a time to 'be still.'

However, it’s going to take me getting out of my own way, stop being so hard on myself, and realize that just because the seeds I’ve planted haven’t reached the surface yet doesn’t mean they haven’t sprouted. My job is to continue to plant and water them.

It's the 'root' work that yields longevity, and I’m in this for the long run. But enough about me… Now that you've taken in today's reflections, I encourage you to take a moment for yourself. Pause, breathe, and reflect on your own journey. Consider the areas where you may need to give yourself grace and understanding, and remember that progress takes time. Reach out to someone that supports you if you need to, and know that it's okay to take a step back and reevaluate. Embrace this week's theme of self-reflection, and remember that you have the strength and resources within you to keep moving forward.

Let's make this week one of growth and self-discovery!

The Power of Identity: The Importance in Knowing Yourself

What we know and what we believe about ourselves influences the way we show up in the world. 

God revealed to me that our loss of self-awareness has led many of us astray and into a life of bondage mentally, physically, and emotionally. Ultimately, creating an image of ourselves that deviates from His original plan.  

Let’s take into account the story of Moses and how he was to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt, to be free of a life in bondage. They were to be gifted the “Promise Land” — a land flowing with milk and honey. A journey that was suppose to last 7 days turned into a 40 year voyage.

Part of what lengthened and delayed the children of Israel's ability to receive God’s promise was their lack of self awareness. What good was it for them to inherit the land that their greed, hatred towards one another, jealousy, idolization, and a lack of self-awareness would only destroy in minutes? 

They lacked the understanding of who they were, and ultimately, lacked the understanding of God's purpose for their lives. They were experiencing an identity crisis, and this same struggle is still prevalent today.

Take a brief moment to think about the world we live in. What are some of the things that come to mind for you? 

Some of the things that came to mind for me is our lack of self-respect, the way we often devaluate ourselves, the constant discord we have amongst one another for various reasons, our failure to set proper boundaries/standards, alongside, our acceptance of the bare minimum, whether it be in our relationships, our career paths, or with ourselves.

I can speak confidently about this topic, because God has worked with and on me. I struggled with confidence. I struggled with setting the proper boundaries. So often, I accepted the bare minimum (sometimes even below that), because I had yet to discover my value. I had become more focused on my relationship with man, rather than my relationship with God, and I struggled with speaking up for myself, because it was hard to stand up for someone I hardly knew. My ability to discern between what was right and what was wrong, or even who was right and who was wrong for me, became such a blur. Eventually, I turned into a ticking time bomb full of uncontrolled emotions, so fragile that I could and would explode in seconds.

I was out of alignment, and that is why I advocate so heavily for us as women to develop an authentic relationship with ourselves, and view our relationship with God as top priority. In Him we find “peace that surpasses all understanding.” We find love, joy, self-control, patience, kindness, and most importantly we find ourselves.

Rēmake by Destinee Reshae is a movement. Our mission and purpose is to bring forth the conversation of identity and self image. It’s designed for us to come together, share our stories, and uplift one another on our journeys of self-discovery. Our goal is to break down barriers and eliminate negative narratives surrounding women, our bodies, our behaviors, and our mindsets that we've internalized and adapted to. Although our stories may differ in detail and in circumstance, our experiences are one and the same. 

We’ve created a space that encourages sisterhood, makes way for vulnerability, promotes self-development, and most importantly, honors the truth of God's purpose for our lives – which all of you are more than welcome to join. 

I understand that I can not do this on my own. With God leading from the front and with those of you who share the vision, we will impact our world!

Not only will we see the change in our communities, but the change within ourselves that will come, as we continue to be intentional, in the discovery and development of ourselves. 

So I have one question for you …

Do you know who you are?

Unmasking Fear: Discovering Your True Potential

Have you wondered why you feel guilty when torn between meeting others' expectations and staying true to yourself? 

Many would just label it as "people-pleasing" or a trauma response, and while I don't necessarily disagree with that, I think it's become an oversimplified explanation that we tend to accept without much thought.

What if the "guilt" we often experience stems from a deeper fear within us? I'm not referring solely to the fear of letting others down, but rather the fear of falling short of our own aspirations. While guilt may stem from various emotions, ​​I want to shed light on the fear we encounter when confronting our own potential.

It’s much easier to play it safe. Our brain is literally wired to do so. It is equipped with mechanisms to safeguard us from harm as we perceive it. However, to perceive something is to understand, interpret, and experience it, but often what we perceive is based on our subjective perspectives (individual interpretations) or judgments rather than reality. 

Is it possible that what we fear most isn't as real as it seems? Failure, while a genuine experience, isn't a permanent condition. It's more like a temporary setback—one we have the power to overcome and grow from. 

So if we hold the power, then what are we really afraid of?

I think we’re just afraid of our own capabilities, which is why it’s so easy for us to question them. It’s the reason why we struggle to bet on ourselves. It’s the reason why we become anxious when it’s time for us to speak up for what we believe in. It’s the reason why we have yet to take that leap of faith.

But my advice for you would be to Do It Anyway! 

I wish I could tell you how to rid yourself of fear… but I believe to truly be fearless, you must constantly make the decision to move forward despite being fearful. 

As we discover ourselves, the path ahead may not always be clear. Taking the next steps might be harder than the first. You might need to let go of old habits and start saying "No" more often. 

But most importantly, you’re going to have to start choosing what’s best for you. 

Here’s a few affirmations you can began saying to help you along the way:

1. I release the guilt of not meeting everyone’s expectations and prioritize staying true to myself.

2. I acknowledge my own capabilities and bet on myself despite any doubts or fears.

3. I embrace failure as a stepping stone to growth and understand it’s not a permanent condition.

4. I let go of old habits that no longer serve me and confidently say ‘no’ when necessary.

5. I prioritize my well-being and consistently choose what is best for me.
   

Everything Has A Time

Often in conversations, I get asked whether or not I am still designing, sewing, or making clothing. I tell myself, “People just see the talent you have, and are happy to know that you are still fully pursuing those gifts,” and although I know people mean well when they ask these sorts of questions, it still can get bothersome. It almost feels limiting, as though there’s no room for growth. As I’m sure we all know it can be very difficult stepping into new territory and unfamiliar grounds, but it get’s even more nerve wracking trying to explain the vision to people who only know who you once were, but can’t quite visualize who you’re becoming.

A seed gets planted, and a flower blooms. The wind then comes and blows the pollen produced from one flower to the next. As the pollen spreads from one flower to another, it’s then fertilized and produces more seeds, ultimately producing more flowers. (This is a very generalized summary of how that process works.)

However, I say all this to say, when I purchased my first sewing machine back in 2019, that was the initial planting of a “seed.” I enrolled in YouTube university, and went to Walmart and purchased all my supplies needed, which were two $5 men’s oversized T-shirts, some thread, and scissors. I was just so eager and excited to start. I went from butchering a five dollar t-shirt on my bedroom floor to being the show opening designer at my very first fashion show in Los Angeles, CA. Even writing that sentence alone makes me a little teary eyed, because man has God carried me every step of the way! He makes what feels impossible possible, and what seems so far fetched right in arms reach.

But the “wind” has blown, and as it mentions in Ecclesiastes 3, “To everything there is a season, [and] a time for every purpose under heaven.” I know for sure that God has so much more in store for me. An assignment for me to lay hands beyond just taking measurements. To speak, touch, and influence the lives of His children around the world. 

Again, my brand is about shedding light on the deeper meaning of fashion and beauty, and although I have slowed down on designing, I don’t plan on stopping! The seed was planted, and it grew. Now, it is time for me to continue to move forward and expand my reach. The Garden awaits us, but if we stay stagnant, we never get to experience the fullness of its true beauty.🌷

Side-note: I write these blog post not only for self-reflection, but as a way for me to engage with you all. So feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments below, and if these topics resonate with you, consider Joining Our Community where we dive into them more deeply.

Cheers to 25 🍾

In life we go through many different seasons, and I’m sure we can all attest to that. We’ve each experienced our highest of highs and lowest of lows. We’ve all laughed until our stomachs hurt, and have cried ourselves to sleep. We’ve experienced love as we knew it, and heartbreak we wish we could have gone without. We’ve held onto things longer than we should have, and let go of others way too fast. We’ve “known” better, but didn’t always “do” better. We’ve had the courage to take the leaps of faith, but have also fallen victim to fear and were too afraid to take the next steps. In life we go through many different seasons, but the beauty of it all is that we keep going.

I’ve gained so much insight in my early 20’s, and I thank God for everyone lesson — even the one’s that took me a few times to fully grasp — lol.

But don’t get me wrong, my early 20’s have also been pretty fun. I’ve traveled out the country to Cancun, Mexico on an ALL expense paid trip. I’ve ridden ATVs through the jungle, gone Zip Lining, Jet Skiing, and Underwater Cave Diving. I’ve traveled the country to places like Orlando, Miami, New York, Colorado — which I will never voluntarily do a drive that far again; 28hrs in a car is just crazy, definitely would NOT recommend — and so many others. I’ve flown to Los Angeles to be a part of LAFW as the show opening designer — and this was my very first fashion show, won’t He do it! I’ve lived in Florida, ATL, and now Washington, DC just because I WANTED to relocate. I’ve experienced the high rise apartment living, that I dreamt of as a kid. I got the cutest fur baby named Hershey, who was named years before his existence— lol. I’ve been in rooms with millionaires connecting, learning, and networking. I’ve met some great people, turned forever friends. I started my own business, and this coming July will mark our 3 year anniversary, and I’ve been a full time entrepreneur for the last five years.

So like I said, my early twenties have been nothing short of eventful, and although it’s gotten bumpy, I’ve enjoyed the ride.

As I’m stepping into this new chapter of my life, I just pray that I continue to experience God’s favor in the most remarkable ways. I pray that my relationship with Him and self only gets stronger. I hope to laugh more, and find joy in the little things. I hope to continue to unravel and discover the plans that He has for me, as I navigate through this life. I hope to make more genuine connections/friendships. I hope to impact the lives of others in the most beautiful ways, as I continue on this journey of self discovery and healing, and I hope that I can help and encourage you all to do the same.

Cheers to 25!!

Twenty Somethings

My twenty-fifth birthday is approaching! 

 It is officially one week away from today, and it’s bitter sweet. On one hand I’m excited, and on the other, I’m like, “alright now girly, you’re getting real close to thirty, let’s slow our roll,” … but all in all, I do feel extremely blessed to be turning twenty-five, and I have learned A LOT these past five years of my “20 somethings.” Some of which I would love to share with you. So let’s get into it!

When I was eighteen, I got the words “Love Yourself First” tattooed, but it wasn’t until more recently, I discovered and understood the power and the importance of that statement. I spent entirely too much time not properly “loving myself,” and it showed. I hadn’t taken the time needed to learn and love myself. My time was spent trying to “prove” myself worthy enough to meet the expectations of others. Ultimately, putting their feelings, emotions, and opinions above those of my own. I had to learn that people are only going to love and respect you at the capacity in which you love and respect yourself — You Set The Bar!

Unfortunately, at that time my bar was low, but thank God I found my way back to Him and learned what “love” truly looked like. I had to learn how to properly give that same love to myself., and in addition to that, I also had to learn that I am not in control. The only person I can control is myself, and even then, y’all know it can be a struggle trying to control ourselves . . . so we definitely do not have the time or the energy to be attempting to control the next person. My need for control was demonstrated through my need for understanding “why” people did the things they did. In my head, if I knew why, I could change them or somehow influence the outcome. It never worked — lol.

I have learned a great deal of lessons through every experience, and I am still learning with every day that comes, but don’t worry, I plan to share them all with you, as we continue on this journey of self discovery.

Relinquishing Fear

“When you subdue your giant, you teach the rest of us how to take ours down.” — Sarah J. Roberts.

Those words resonated so heavily with me, that it prompted me to write about my own process of taking down my giants and relinquishing fear. For a very long time, I had allowed “fear” to hold me captive, and as a result missed opportunities, depression, anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-esteem shortly followed. The fearless, tenacious, confident, and energetic girl I once was, became fearful, uncertain, self-conscious, and mentally drained. I wish I could tell you that immediately I snapped out of it, but that would be far from the truth. For years, I found comfort in my traumas, by convincing myself that there was no trauma to begin with, and that the way I was going about life, now, was merely just me protecting myself, because no one else would. But I was wrong … God will. 

Although at first I was in complete denial, I had eventually come to the realization that I was in fact wounded. Meaning that there were some things that I needed to heal from, in order to experience the growth I was so desperately seeking. I had to figure out where that “fear” stemmed from. After a while of being on this journey of self discovery, I found it! I had actually found what I believe to be the root cause. I was afraid that I wasn’t “good enough.” Imposter syndrome at its finest!  The fear of being inadequate hindered me from taking on opportunities that I was more than capable of. It made me afraid to try. It silenced me. It made me question every little thing about myself, so much so, that I was even uncertain on what my purpose in life was. Thank God I finally found it.